Intimacy in Marriage
What is Intimacy In marriage? Why is intimacy an essential ingredient in your Christian marriage? Intimacy is so much more than sex; you need to connect with your spouse on three levels for genuine intimacy to be achieved. Here’s your guide to intimacy ideas for a Christian marriage.
Every married couple needs to prioritize intimacy in marriage. But why? I mean, you’ve got the Kids, House Rent, Car payment, your job and about 100 other things that you’re juggling. Why does intimacy in marriage need to top the list?
If you don’t have intimacy, your marriage won’t be healthy for long. What you spare time for flourishes and what you ignore withers.
Now, most people confuse intimacy with sex. Sex is just one aspect of (physical) intimacy with your spouse. Here are the Three Aspects of Intimacy in a Marriage.
Sex Is Fun
If it’s not fun for you, practice makes perfect. It’s also a thing of the mind so relax and enjoy it. Set the cares of the world aside and focus on your spouse. Let them focus on you, everything else will still be there in 20minutes…or an hour or more (take the time you have; sometimes it’s not as much as you hope for but you can make the most of it).
Sex Creates Connection
The two become one. Gods’ words. They become one emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Out of sync with your spouse? When was the last time you both made love? Prioritize marital intimacy by keeping that spark alive.
Foreplay & Flirting
Physical intimacy isn’t just the act of consummation. It’s also flirting with each other, teasing your spouse (with the intent to deliver at an appropriate time, not teasing and leaving them wanting. Keeping things fun and romantic during the day is a great way to get ready for what will happen tonight, not that it’s meant to happen only at night time. My Husband and I create time during the day (when the kids are in school) for love making; no hush…hush with the kids next door.
Sweet Touches & Cuddle
Let’s not overlook holding of hands while walking, putting your head on your spouse shoulder during a movie, date nights or just wrapping your arms around his/her waist and telling him/her you love them. I particularly enjoy sitting on my husband’s lap with his arms around my waist.
Intimacy can never be reduced to mere sexual fulfilment; this kind of touch is also deeply satisfying on a heart level.
Caring about each other’s emotions, trusting one another.
Trust Needs To Be Earned
Once upon a time, you and your spouse were strangers. You didn’t know one another at all but over time you shared experiences, thoughts, dreams and eventually love. Over time you built a bond of trust, you earned his trust and he earned yours. That’s a beautiful foundation for intimacy in marriage; in fact, trust is an essential building block for intimacy.
Trust Needs To Be Kept
Trust isn’t a ‘’once and done’’ kind of a deal. It needs to be maintained. You can lose his/her trust much faster than you can gain it.
How do we break each other’s trust?
By repeating things your spouse tells you to your friends or family. By laughing about something your spouse does when you are out with friends, By having relationships with other Women/Men even if they are sexually pure relationships.
You are neglecting the trust he/she gave you when you do those things and that’s not being a virtuous wife or a righteous husband. Your spouse wants to know that he/she is your best friend. She/he needs to be the first person you call and the one you want to hold your hand when life falls apart.
When you talk to your spouse, speak kindly. When you talk about your spouse, speak kindly.
Your words and the tone in which you deliver them have the power of life and death. They can be weapons of mass destruction or tools that build a fortress. Choose your words wisely and use them well. When you pray, pray that your words be Gods words that flourishes wherever it goes and accomplish that which it ought to accomplish. Isaiah 55:11
Also respect each other inside and outside of your house (I discussed this more under ‘’Respect in Marriage’’).
Be A Safe Harbor in Life’s Storms
Emotional Safety- being safe Harbor for your spouse- isn’t just trust, but also comforts, peace, kindness, and compassion. Knowing that you are his/her safe place to come home to.
This means they can show you their shortcomings, faults and vulnerability and know that even when you’re disappointed, you won’t emotionally abuse him/her or heap shame upon their head.
You will pray for your spouse, encourage, help and love them
Have Fun Together
Laughing and enjoying each other is also crucial to intimacy. It’s the time you spend together just enjoying one another (laughing, dreaming, working around the house or just watching a movie that prepare you for those not so fun times).
Make date night a priority even if it’s at home once the kids go to bed.
Do the things you enjoy together and try new activities as well.
What is spiritual intimacy? It’s connecting on a spiritual level with your husband with your faith in God. Opening your hearts to each other as you open your hearts to the Lord.
Do you pray together? It’s great for your spiritual intimacy.
Besides praying together as a family, My husband and I would usually just pray for each other, but not with each other until years after we had both given our lives to Christ, then we began to pray together and oh OMG! Our marriage changed for the better…our intimacy went to a different level entirely.
We began to ask each other for individual prayer requests, what Joys to share, we would hold hands and ask God to turn our weaknesses into strength, Praise God for his good gifts, pray for our children, our family and friends and ask God to reveal his good plans moving forward. We pray for wisdom, friendships, Job situations, parenting responses, and so much more.
It can prove difficult to get started if you’re not used to it, but it’s worth it!
Study the Bible together
Do you read the Bible together or at least talk about what you’ve read?
Believe it or not, this is a great way to bond and grow together. Sharing your faith in the Lord and encouraging one another with the word of God is a deeply intimate action.
Talk about what you read in your personal quiet time or even consider reading the same passages and discussing them more.
Some of us need to work harder at it than others so let me encourage you to work hard to maintain and deepen intimacy in your marriage: physically, emotionally and spiritually.