Secrets to Happiness in Marriage

Secrets to Happiness in Marriage

Some people think that happiness in marriage is destined to fade with time but we never bought into this notion. Don’t get me wrong, as I said in Phases of Marriage, the initial spark will fade {Which comes back with certain triggers, see my article on Triggers of Romantic Spark) but not happiness. We’ve always believed marriage should age like a fine wine getting sweeter with time.

 

My marriage is far from perfect but we can truly say we are very happy and our happiness has grown deeper over the years.

Now, there’s no one secret to a happy marriage (well, except for the ‘’Happy wife=Happy Marriage=Happy Life’’ rule if it can be met). However, there are Ten main secrets to happiness in marriage and if you implement these principles into your marriage, you will experience more happiness regardless of the challenges that come and go.

 

 

Faith In God, your unwavering foundation

For us, through all the storms of life, our faith in God and His guidance have helped us stay strong. When you and your spouse commit to building your lives on a foundation of faith, Praying together and allowing the Holy Spirit to guide you, you’re making the wisest decision possible.

In all ups and downs of life, God will be your steady anchor.

We believe there’s no true happiness or great health apart from Him but in Him and through Him, all things are possible.

 

 

Willingness to be Quick to Apologize

They say in movies that being in love means never having to say you’re sorry. That’s in movies am afraid. Whoever believes that statement will probably go through divorce multiple times!

 

In reality however, we must be humble enough to quickly and wholeheartedly admit fault when we blow it. We must also be quick to forgive and let go when our spouse apologizes.

 

We should not keep score of each other’s wrongs or use past mistakes as ammunition in arguments, rather we must learn to forgive, work to rebuild broken trust, and move forward. Keeping grudges only makes you bitter, forgiveness sets you free.

 

 

Laugh Together

There is always a reason to laugh together even in the midst of storms of life. Lack of laughter in a marriage is like a lack of fuel in a vehicle, we need to fill up our marriage with laughter to keep it running! If laughter has faded in your marriage, then look for ways to get it back. Be playful and flirtatious with each other.

 

Every marriage needs a lot of laughter and laughing together is one of the most intimate and enjoyable acts a couple can share even if it starts with just watching your favourite sitcom or stand-up comedy together, all over again, or bringing back into memory, moments you both shared laughter together.

My period was running really late years ago, so my husband and I went to the hospital, had a pregnancy test carried out and waited anxiously for the test result. Anxious, not for a positive outcome but we both thought this cannot be happening again! (After four CS).

 

The Nurse came back with the result and I said…Ma’am, please just tell me, positive or negative? Then she said ‘’am so so sorry ma but its Negative’’ and I could see how sad she felt for me but when my husband and I got back in the car, we both busted into huge laughter in the parking lot.

My husband said, if only she knew that we have loads of children at home and we joked about even giving her one, the most troublesome if she wanted. We laughed together for almost half an hour and we still share this memory till date and each time we do…we laugh over it again!

 

 

Don’t fall into the Comparison Trap

Learn from other couples but never compare your marriage to anyone else’s. The Comparison Trap is the killer of Joy in your marriage. If you find yourself scrolling through social media comparing your struggles to the airbrushed highlight reels of other people, then you are never going to feel happy or content with your own life.

It’s healthy to have a mentor to learn from but its unhealthy to try to measure your marriage against theirs. God’s Plans for you are masterfully unique.

The bible says it is unwise to compare. 2corr 10:12 (Amplified)

 

 

Prioritize Sex

It goes beyond sex to build a strong marriage, however, it is nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it.

 

Give priority to your spouse’s sexual desires. If your spouse is the one with the higher sexual drive, then work to meet their desires since you are the only legitimate source where that desire can be satisfied. Prioritize not only the sexual act but intimacy as a whole (read my article on Intimacy in Marriage).

 

Work to find solutions when you face setbacks in your sex life and be patient and tender with each other when insecurities sets in. Sex is a gift from God that’s meant to be enjoyed in marriage, so enjoy it!

 

 

Show of Gratitude goes a long way. Say Thank you often.

Thank each other often and show appreciation for all your spouse does. Be thankful to God as well for the gifts in your life.

An attitude of gratitude is one of the significant keys to happiness. When you choose to be thankful for your life and for each other, every aspect of life can be enjoyed with more freedom.

 

 

Communication

Communicate about everything and do not keep secrets from each other.

Let uninterrupted communication be a regular part of your routine. Turn off your phones and other gadgets to remove distractions and really talk.

 Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy and Communication is the lifeline keeping a marriage strong.

 

 

Work towards Shared Goals and Dreams

At every phase of your marriage, you should always have something to both look forward to. Have goals and dreams you’re working together to reach, keep dreaming together and you will be amazed at how creating some new dreams and goals can breathe fresh life into your marriage.

 

Ever since Ayo and I have been together, shared goals and dreams have always been a constant connection point for us, Goals ranging from ministry to parenting, to various business ideas and everything in between.

 

 

Mentor, Be Mentored & Have Pro-Marriage community of friends

Your marriage may begin to resemble the marriages of the people you hang around the most, so make sure you choose friends who value marriage, let your community be rooted in the church. Eat, hang out, pray, laugh with couples in the same season of life, encourage one another.

 

Find Older mentors who can teach you from their experience and younger couples whom you can mentor too.

 

The community of friends you keep can be vital in helping you keep growing but they can also be a key part in the downfall of your marriage so choose wisely and be intentional in following the lead of the Holy Spirit.

 

 

Patience

Be patient with each other. The Bible says ‘’love is patient’’.

Your spouse’s upbringing is different from yours. Their needs are different, their preferences are different. Be thankful for each other’s differences and always be patient, loving, kind, and tender-hearted with each other especially in these areas of differences.

 

Instead of allowing your differences to be a source of conflict, make them a source of strength by celebrating each other’s unique perspectives and trust me, being different can be a blessing in complementing each other’s flaws.

 

I am headstrong and fiercely independent, so is Ayo, my Husband. I am a feminist, he is masculine, he can be really adamant and so can I and as we know, two masters in one boat is a recipe for disaster but with patience and leading of the Holy Spirit, we have been able to manage conflict and disagreements with humour.